moxie day three

Living Moxie Confidence Course #3

A few days ago, I signed up for a Self-Confidence Course on Living Moxie (though, if you read the title of this post, you already know this). You can sign up here if you’re interested: dawnbarclay.com/self-confidence-course

These posts will explore the ideas in the course as I do them, and sometimes include the exercise I’ve done for that day. The other posts in this series can be found here.

Day Three

Today’s session is about seeing ourselves with positivity, and getting on top of some of those negative self-views we looked at in Day Two.

To quote: You are to create 20 positive statements about yourself. Here are the rules:

1. You must start them with ‘I’/
2. You must make them present tense by using ‘am’, ‘feel’ etc.
3. You must include only positives ‘brilliant’, ‘awesome’, ‘wonderful.

  1. I am lovable, and loved.
  2. I feel excited.
  3. I am a good friend.
  4. I inspire others.
  5. I am a capable and passionate teacher.
  6. I am a gifted painter.
  7. I am a passionate, talented writer.
  8. I live to my potential.
  9. I trust my gut feelings.
  10. I am a lifelong learner.
  11. I feel content, and satisfied.
  12. I am confident.
  13. I am beautiful.
  14. I am intelligent.
  15. I feel grateful.
  16. I am determined.
  17. I am organised.
  18. I smile and laugh often.
  19. I am loving.
  20. I feel inspired.
moxie day two

Living Moxie Confidence Course #2

A few days ago, I signed up for a Self-Confidence Course on Living Moxie (though, if you read the title of this post, you already know this). You can sign up here if you’re interested: http://dawnbarclay.com/self-confidence-course

These posts will explore the ideas in the course as I do them, and sometimes include the exercise I’ve done for that day. The other posts in this series can be found here.

Day Two

This was a bit lighter, which was necessary after such intense self-analysis and reflection. There was a list of beliefs, and I had to pick the ones that resonated with me. What made me feel good was that there were a few that I used to believe, but don’t any more (like I have little control over what happens to me). I had to think about why the beliefs I chose as true were a problem.

After that, I had to write 10 positive beliefs, and 10 negative beliefs, about myself. I found myself arguing some of the good stuff, but wrote it down anyway. The negative beliefs were easy, but it was depressing looking back on that list and thinking, is that really what I think about myself? Ugh! Totally not good enough.

What are 10 qualities I like and love about myself?

1. Artistic ability.

2. Caring.

3. Laugh easily.

4. Self-dependence.

5. Can be a good listener.

6. See the good in others (most of the time).

7. Big picture thinking.

8. Teaching ability.

9. Inspiring others.

10. Following my gut feelings.

What are 10 negative beliefs I have about myself?

1. Lazy.

2. Unintelligent.

3. Immature.

4. Forgetful.

5. Ignores details.

6. Impatient.

7. Judgemental.

8. Proud.

9. Naïve.

10. Emotional roller-coaster.

And the final question for Day Two:

Is this 100% true? Is this accurate?  Where did I get this belief? What if it’s not the truth, but only truth as you believe it to be?

moxie day one

Living Moxie Confidence Course #1

A few days ago, I signed up for a Self-Confidence Course on Living Moxie (though, if you read the title of this post, you already know this). You can sign up here if you’re interested: http://dawnbarclay.com/self-confidence-course

These posts will explore the ideas in the course as I do them, and sometimes include the exercise I’ve done for that day. You will be able to view them all here.

Day One

Jumping straight in the deep end, this session asked some probing questions. I was listening to a talk by Douglas Adams the other day, and he emphasised the importance of asking the right questions – for it is only when you know the question that you can ever hope to know the answer. 

Specifically, the questions made me consider what ‘confidence’ actually means to me, and what it looks like. It helped me explore how I act / think when I am feeling confident, and what situations inspire a lack of confidence.

It helped me come to the conclusion that when I am feeling anxious, it is usually going back to the idea that I am not good enough, and so I try to act good enough, while not really believing that I can be.

On the other hand, it helped me understand that when I am feeling confident, I’m living in the moment, and just doing the best I can at the time, which generally helps me exceed my expectations of ‘good enough’ anyway. Basically, it goes back to mindfulness and gratitude.

My favourite day, inside during the wet & windy weather, playing with story ideas.

Week that was: Belated

Last week I…

  • Felt the anxiety rising as I sent my manuscript out to betas.
  • Outlined two novels – one is a direct sequel (Lucy’s Story), and the next will be the start of a new, but connected, series.
  • Worked on my new author site, and received two lovely comments to kick-start it.
  • Journalled daily.
  • Did 2 sessions of yoga.
  • Read every day! I’m pleased with my determination here :-)

This week I will…

  • Research and work on character development for Lucy’s Story, as well as a chapter-by-chapter breakdown (I’m definitely an outliner, albeit a flexible one).
  • Make the most of the sunshine and do some walking.
  • Do 3 sessions of yoga.
  • Create a plan for what I need to do this year, in terms of self-publishing and $$.

Gallery…

holidays quote

What holidays teach me

I’m on holiday. I have three days of no work, and then a week of less work after that. And I’m learning a lot about myself.

When I’m on holiday, my time is my own. What I choose to do is what I want to do, not what I must do.

I’ve read. I’ve bought new books to read. I’ve rewritten and edited my draft WIP. I’ve planned a new series (or rather, am planning a new series). I’ve played guitar and listened to lots of music. I’ve actually been social (shock, horror!) and talked about writing, imagination, and the sorry state of the world. I’ve reflected on my friend’s blog posts. I’ve written blog posts for this blog, and my new author site. I’ve played with (read as: annoyed) my cat. I’ve eaten soup, and spaghetti-on-toast (with cheese, obviously), and had lots of tea. I even had a glass of wine which helped with aforementioned planning. I’ve watched and have become a fan of Haven. I’ve even unpacked the vacuum cleaner, cleaned the house, and done the dishes.

So whenever I had that breakdown of, “OMG I don’t know what I want to do with my life!” I should’ve just gone on holiday.

holidays quote

 

Depression is Weird

Depression is weird. It sneaks into a tiny crack in your mind, spawns like crazy, makes friends with Anxiety, and before you know it, the not-so-cute couple are in your head, and your head is in a bottomless pit. You don’t know quite how you got there, let alone how to get out.

But, slowly, you do it. There are footholds, and slips pretending to be footholds, but eventually, you make the treacherous climb. And when you get to the top? What next?

I feel like I’m at the top. I’ve climbed out of that miserable place, but I’m sitting right next to it, afraid to let it go. In an odd twist of life, the deep, dark, black hole became my comfort blanket. It became such a permeating part of my life that I don’t know what to do without it. Be happy? Be content? Oh, no – that’s not me.

What am I without my depression?

I know I am not the only person who feels this way. I also know it’s not all bad. Depression serves a purpose – it must – and I think it’s got something to do with our humanity in what can be a cruel and emotionally sanitised world.

And so, I will keep on creating, and keep on smiling, and, inch by inch, I will sneak away from the pit of depression the way it snuck into my mind.

Wish me luck.

Guest Post at A Writer’s Tale: Sounding Boards

As I was reminded recently, a sounding board is of infinite value to a writer, no matter what day, age, or genre they may write in.

The sounding board not only reflects your ideas, but takes the little golden nuggets out of your waffle, and helps you craft them into workable narratives. Quite frankly, the amount of writing I would have achieved – had it not been for the sounding boards in my life – is negligible.

Read the rest on Scarlett Van Dijk’s blog.

Vision Board Dec 2013

New Year Resolutions: A mid-year reflection

An unexpected upshot of writing a blog is the ability to reflect on where I was, and how far I’ve come since then. My journal does a similar thing, but I often end up throwing old diaries out, or am unable to read my own scribbles. A blog, typed and (more) succinct, allows me to reflect on a previous state of mind more easily.

This January, I set New Year Resolutions. You can read the original post here. My intention was to read, write, meditate, and exercise every day.

Long list of excuses short – I haven’t.

Sigh.

BUT. There’s no time like the present, right? So, from today, I am re-igniting my well-intentioned goals: Read, Write, Meditate, Exercise.

4 things I know will help me grow.

4 things I know will keep me grounded.

4 things I know will explore my spirituality.

4 things I know will keep me healthy.

4 things I love doing.

Week that was:

This week I’ve had a few days with a nasty cough / cold, and so I haven’t been as productive as I’d like to. However, I have made some good progress with my writing, and have a couple of meetings set up to discuss illustration and marketing options :-)

I’ve been a lot less moody this week too, which is always a good thing! I can feel defensiveness settling in, though, so it’s time to reignite my meditation routine, which, frankly, I should never have stopped in the first place.

Last week in writing

Blogging: Wrote two blog posts last week.
Re-drafting: One scene to go, plus my edits.
Planning: Have started planning a series of books, connected to the Caretaker.
Reading: Read most days.
Journalling: Journalled (almost) every day.

This week’s writing goals

Write two more blog posts this week.
Do final edits of the Caretaker of Imagination, and send out for beta reading.
Journal every day.
Read every day.

Personal development foci

Exercise daily, to manage my moods.
Begin my daily meditation again.

 

I can do this.

On Monday morning I woke up thinking, “I can’t do this.

I wasn’t referring to writing, or self-publishing, or work later in the day – just life. I felt like I couldn’t do life. Because life is HARD sometimes, and so we should be entitled to days where living goes into the impossible box (or at least, I think so).

Of course, validating my feelings didn’t change a thing (except me), and so I dragged myself out of bed, made a cup of tea, heated up last night’s dinner, and snuggled back into bed with my tablet to do some writing and chat on Twitter. I am so grateful to have an afternoon shift at work.

That’s when I found myself thinking, “I could so do this.”

This has been the first time I’ve truly thought I could write full-time. Not because I thought I’d never make enough moolah to live off (which I have thought, and, of course, is always a possiblity), but because I’ve always held that I’d go stir-crazy if I only wrote for the rest of my life.

I was wrong. I mean, I will keep painting, and working with children (I’d go insane if I couldn’t work with kids in one way or another), but I could be absolutely happy and content with being a full-time writer. The more I do it, the more I enjoy it.

And so, even though I’m in a slump right now (lots of factors at play, but I’m happy to say I am managing them), I also have a whole new drive for my writing career.

And now, with 600 words under my belt for today, it’s time to do some planning. Upwards and onwards!